What comes after forgiveness?

Let's say you have forgiven someone an offense, then what?  Wipe your hands of them?  Dust off your feet and be on your way?  Run back to them and go back to the exact same relationship?  Refuse to talk about the issues and enter back into relationship? Say 'good riddance' and flee from them? Ensure a repentant heart is involved and work to see if trust can be rebuilt as you cautiously enter back into relationship?

In some circumstances, fleeing may be advised, but we are still called to exhibit love.  Love comes in many different forms and can be shown in various ways, though.  Sometimes, love is best given at a distance depending on the situation and what offenses have been forgiven.

Again, reconciliation is not a given but forgiveness is; only you know your situation and what it takes to keep your self, your spouse (if you have one), and your kids (if you have them) safe, protected, and loved. An anonymous person once said:

Reconciliation is never a one way street when it comes to relationships. The one who has offended you must see how they have offended you and understand how that offense has hurt you, and they must come to you with humility. They must also accept the fact that maybe their offense was so egregious, that no matter how sincere they are in their explanations that you may never trust them. But you must set your healthy boundaries with the gentleness of a dove. And then if they honor your boundaries and keep them, then I think reconciliation might be a possibility. 

So what does love look like from a distance if reconciliation is not, at the very least, in the near future?  Honestly, a lot is situational.  What I can tell you, though, is it ought to begin with prayer.

Sometimes prayer directed at the person doesn't come for a long time depending on what has occurred; but when true forgiveness between you and God has happened and the situation(s) have been released through forgiveness, I would be shocked if there wasn't a different kind of love for that person that you then wished for them.  Whenever you have a thought that includes them, take hold of that opportunity and bring them before God, remember that no one and no relationship is without hope.  Paul dubbed himself chief among sinners, and yet God saved him and used him in powerful ways for His glory.

One thing you might want to try, especially if you have kids, is to start a prayer accountability calendar.  Each month, everyone in your family individually chooses a person outside of your family unit to pray for and commit to praying for them that month.  Have a square or different color that each member can mark off for the days they prayed for their person.  If nothing else, it is an easy way to engage the whole family in prayer while also teaching them to pray for others without telling them.  It would also be a great opportunity to pray for those who you are not currently in relationship with; the specific relational prayers obviously need not include your children within earshot but they will know if you are following through if you are marking off your checkboxes.

For a long time, the power of prayer was lost on me. It wasn't until the Lord re-worked and stripped away some major areas of pride in my life that He taught me what it is, how to do it in many various capacities, why it is important, how beneficial it is, and how much it is a necessary constant as we walk through this life. Some days, weeping alone to Him would constitute my communication as it was all I could bear.  And He sustained me and our family through all of the trials we have encountered in these last couple of years.

Prayer is and should be your first thought when you are dealing with relationships that have figurative bumps and bruises.  To that end, I hope that anyone reading this would come to a point in their life that they would be praying for those that have opposed them.  The reality is, there is a VERY narrow road, not many, not many at all will be praising God in Heaven when He comes again.  Someone claiming the name "Christian" does not a Christian make; not living according to the fruit that evidences a right relationship with Him ought to reconsider their relationship with Christ, especially if multiple people are telling them something is not right with what they claim versus their life choices.

But let it not be that you didn't care enough about their hearts while you were on earth and Jesus was preparing your heart to be with Him; that is a very dangerous paradox to cling to.  Every person will face judgment day, including you. Including me. Including the person(s) who wronged you. That should concern us all.

When Loyalty and Tradition Trump the Word

Historians and wise people teach us the past. For good reason.

Those who cannot remember the past are  condemned to repeat it.

~George Santayana 

There is a reason we study what has occurred throughout history. In this day and age, we have been abundantly blessed with the ability to study to our hearts content nearly any subject, even mere matters that pique our interest.

It concerns me to see in many areas of life a stagnant oppression to loyalty over Truth. 

Our church for example has compiled an entire printed volume of the rich history it claims. There are traditions as well as long-standing members (and some of their descendants) that have been a part of the foundation of this church.  We started attending our church after searching for an exegetical preaching style, there is a rich long-standing history of such preaching; the traditions and foundations of an organization are not bad, but sometimes need fresh eyes on them.  In a church and as a church like ours in a time of transition, it very well might be a time to reevaluate or risk clinging white-knuckled to a loyal tradition.  Time to reevaluate the leadership goals, the pastoral goals, the effective leading and equipping of the saints, the way in which we approach our youth and how to get to their hearts, the children of the church (for them to know their value in Him and the knowledge to be more than the subject of a memorized verse), or possibly the way in which missionary support is provided.  Praise the Lord, our church is setting up the structures to ensure that the traditions it maintains are in right-standing.

Personally I love tradition, the creeds, the history, the structure. It's comforting to know it has been there all along and it's comfortable as a backdrop in my daily walk. However, as I, myself, have been walking through my own transition in my walk with Christ I have seen in myself how my tradition kept me from truly pursuing the Lord in my heart. It grew my knowledge, comfort, and voice but I had missed my own heart in my empty, vain walk where I claimed the name of Christ as my own but lacked assurance. While not an identical scenario as what our church faces, I think it similar.

How often though do all of us do the same though? Do we cling to a person and revere them to the point of Sainthood, refusing to hear truths about them that are uncomfortable?  Do we uplift or enable someone to sin instead of encouraging them to repentance? Do we, with tight fist, evade any negative comments about a "Christian" leader because you might know him personally or like him as a person? Do we want to keep reading the same "Christian" author and avoid harsh (but true) criticisms of what she teaches? Do we hear the truth about someone but ignore it so we can keep sinning in the same way ourselves? Bringing it down quite a few levels, do we want to keep watching the same tv show at night even though the episodes have consistently showcased more and more evil? Do we want to read a certain book even though there are detailed bedroom scenes?

So I ask, how much do we selfishly cling to the things we want to believe instead of challenging them against the Truth of the Bible?

It may be time for you to reevaluate your life.  Does the truth you see align with God's Truth?

Rearranging Deck Chairs

We heard an amazing sermon last year that was incredibly solid. We have been blessed with an amazing church where the preaching from the pulpit is the truth of the Bible.

There were a couple of one-liners that struck a cord with me.

Confession is not the same as conversion.

I had lived most of my life without knowing with my heart what conversion entailed.  Sure, I had confessed.  I had confessed with blind eyes, silent ears, and a proud heart.  This is not the confession of the Bible.  It is a false confession that was meant to selfishly appease my conscience.

Repentance without Christ is like rearranging the deck chairs on the Titanic.

My understanding of what the word repent meant had been head knowledge only. It was a false assurance I told myself to satisfy my sinful ways. What I failed to realize was that repentance without Christ is futile.  There is no salvation in empty repentance.

We might affirm Christ but do we know Him?

Again, you can't fully repent without Christ, so do you have a right understanding of Christ?  Do you know the Savior from the Bible? Have you concocted your own version of Him to meet your needs or justify your sin?

If you are not sure, I would encourage you to start in Genesis 1:1 and begin a read-through plan of the Bible.  I'm participating in our church's Bible read-through this year and each book, chapter, verse, and word is weaving together a more complete understanding of who the true Christ is.  



In order to repent, you must know to whom you are repenting.  In order to confess, you must know the true understanding of repentance.

This standard can also translate to other areas of life, although in a lesser degree of importance.  In order to rightly confess, or repent your sin against another, you should know in your heart and mind what you have done; there should be a heart knowledge involved if you are in a situation where an apology is necessary.

Baby Steps

A constant reminder for me lately has been about baby steps.  Not in the sense that I miss having newly toddling babies at my feet. More that the greatest lessons I have been learning have come and gone through baby steps.

 

When I look back at what we have been through in the last couple of years, I see the baby steps leading me to where we are at now.  The Bible constantly talks about baby steps: in trust, in faith, in finances, in trials, etc. 

 

In our lives, we have had a barrage of opportunities to recognize and see the continual progress we have made in many different areas of life. Bit by bit, my faith has been determined and founded; the persistence of one tiny step forward toward the goal has been foundational in my understanding of the sovereignty of God.  The trust I place in God has been instrumentally established as a result of the journey we are walking.  Our marriage has been at times a day by day practice, working on one thing at a time while we each work to change and recognize destructive behaviors in ourselves so that we might better contribute to our covenant relationship.  The financial path we have traveled has been full of ups and downs but when we abide by the truths of the Word, we see that to be wise with our money is to be wise through baby steps: to earn wealth bit by bit, when we are wise with a little than we can be trusted with a lot.

 

When we get overwhelmed with life, it is Biblically wise to take it step by step.  Take everything one step at a time. You may falter, you may fall, but keep getting back up and strive to take that next step.  And when you look back, you can see just how far you have traveled and grown.

 

Beautiful Babies

My children are really adorable, the world tells me so. But I won't let them be limited to that.  The world's standard of beauty will not define how I raise my kids.

I refuse to teach them that beauty is the ultimate standard to attain to.  That if you have beauty you are one step ahead of the rest of "them".  That if you have the right look, body, clothes or type of makeup, that you will get further in life.  I have seen the detrimental effects in adults who grew up with that idealization.  It creates many footholds for sin to enter in with relation to jealousy, comparison, pride, lust, covetousness.

Instead, I will encourage them to use their voices, to expand their knowledge and their abilities. I will encourage them to not conform, to be their own person. I will not try to box them into my own definitions or criticisms. I want them to fly one day and they won't if I clip their wings with my words.

So will I complement them? Yes, but rarely on physical aspects.  I will focus my encouraging words to heart issues: the kind thing they did that day, the thoughtful action they showed their sibling, how they asked to pray for someone hurting, how hard they tried at something, that they pulled out their Bible for devotions, that they had great attitudes even though they lost their game, that they are willing to learn, that they apologized, that they changed their behavior.

There are obviously too many to list, but enough to focus on that I don't need to be so shallow as to only show them I think their worth is limited to external features.

If your kids have flown out of the nest already, this still applies to how you compliment them and any grandchildren you may have in your life.  Let your legacy be that you care for their heart.

R and F, baby!

Are you curious why the title for the blog anyone? Why the repentance AND faith? Let me explain why....

It seems to me in our modern day evangelical state of witnessing, our prayers of acceptance of faith in Jesus into our lives (the "Sinner's Prayer") can be quite deceptive.  Before you attack, listen to my explanation. In and of itself, the acknowledgment of yourself as a sinner is not what the Bible says is needed for salvation, but it IS most certainly a step.

I would like to point you to Jesus' ministry of witnessing to people, it was nothing if not riddled with absolute love, all while presenting the necessity of continual repentance for breaking ALL of God's commandments. This stems from the entire Old Testament and the Israelites and this branches into our lives, not only in the ways we sin but showing us that we have been granted opportunity upon opportunity to also learn from Jesus' words and learn from the past mistakes of others.

Jesus would always lovingly let people know that they have done wrong, they aren't inherently good people, and that they need to repent.

If you polled random strangers to ask if they think they are a good person, almost everyone will answer that they think they're a good person. A "good person" does not need a Savior. Why would a "good person" need Jesus? Why wouldn't a "good person" go to Heaven, when they feel they are good enough? Who needs to humble themselves if they're a "good person", or throw off all pride to get down on their knees to ask for forgiveness? How in the world is a "good person" bad when their relevant truth and beliefs don't tell them that?

(As an aside, here is a fun little quiz to take to see if you ARE good enough according to God's standards... and if you ARE good enough to go to Heaven.)

The sinner's prayer acknowledges your sin and need for a Savior which is great, but please ensure that they are not empty words, you need to follow it up with a fully repentant life-your heart will guide your actions and your thoughts when you truly seek God.


You view sin differently after you repent, you don't enjoy living in sin, you cannot stand sin, you pass it by and don't even look over your shoulder with longing, you're excited about renewing your mind with Godly things, and you just plain hate sin! We all know that even Satan professes Jesus' name, so next time you hear someone say the Sinner's Prayer please further encourage them to go onto the next step for true forgiveness of their sins.

In light of all that, I ask you, when you became a Christian and as you daily walk with God, if you have had a different outlook on sin and it's effects on your life and your relationship with your Creator, your grace-grantor, your GOD? And if not, I think you know the next step to take.

Personal Struggles

My mind has wrestled itself now for quite some time on one specific issue.  I can't completely grasp the concepts surrounding it so I am failing at understanding it. So let's dive in.

Two of my favorite theologians are A.W. Tozer and J.C. Ryle.  They would be deemed "conservative" Christians in today's terminology.  I liken them more to unashamedly Biblically based.  They both speak the truth of the Bible without mincing words.  Very direct. Very truthful.  Very convicting.  Very Biblical.  (Some say Facebook holds little value or purpose but I look forward to reading their quotes every morning and I end up 'liking' about 95% of them. If you wish to follow them as well, here are the links: https://www.facebook.com/AWTozeramanofGod/ and   https://www.facebook.com/JCRyleQuotes/.)

A majority of the quotes have to do with: being a true follower of Jesus, it is a very narrow road, the truth of the Bible will separate and divide, you need to stand up for God's truths even if it's not popular or loved ones ridicule, etc.  These wise words reinforce that it will be a lone journey between you and God of living your life in right standing according to His Word.  It is refreshing to hear those reminders. I wrote someone a letter awhile ago and stated that never in my journey through this life would I have imagined that the hardest stances I would have to take would be against those I was closest to. I had assumed and expected we were believing the same truths of the Bible, living those out, living life differently than the world,  and living with similar motives.

I was wrong, and that was a hard lesson to learn. I rather enjoyed my naivete of choice to not clearly see the errors and sins surrounding me (both in my own life and in those around me). 

I knew I sinned, but I didn't realize I was wretched to the core.  That my thoughts were so corrupt, that I even had evil intentions.  It took for my pride to be stripped away before the ugliness of sin in my life was made known to me.

Now, I know I sin, I know my sins.  I'm aware of a lot of them thanks be to the Holy Spirit residing in me and cleansing me daily.  And I'm praying that more and more they are revealed for the ugly vileness that they are. I repent of what I know and don't, but overall for how wretched I am.  I am nothing without Christ.  And if I'm not actively moving away from sin and toward God, then I am not living a repentant life.

But that isn't the case for all who attend church.  We started making stands to put up protective barriers around ourselves, our marriage, and our children, yet we were attacked for that. The slander that has been relayed has been hurtful and disheartening, especially during a period of time when the Holy Spirit was preparing a dwelling place in our hearts and cleansing us from the inside out.  It was emotionally exhausting, which then made it incredibly disheartening to hear words, attacks, angry looks, passive aggressive facebook posts, whispered comments... the attacks kept coming from those who knew not the fullness of the situation.

We have been advised by the Bible to let our light shine.  Truly wise people know there are two sides to every story and to not make a judgment call based on only one side. But it seems majority opinion floats on the boat of which side they have heard from first. A judge would be flogged and ridiculed if that was how they led their courtroom. So our character should shine through and people should be able to discern if something they are hearing about us doesn't jive with what they know to be true about us.

And that is where my struggle lies.  I struggle with where that all falls into place when dealing with this in this life, on the one hand I am okay with the negativity now surrounding my name, because Jesus said this walk would not be easy but on the other hand, it's still hard... and how do you also be a light? If this walk is supposed to be so narrow, then how can it also be that you will be such a light for others if what is being said about you is not true?  How can you live as a light while your name is being torn to pieces by those who claim to love you?

I remain conflicted, but eager to learn so I pray for continued unity with my husband, peace, wisdom and direction.

Spray paint your lawn

In my husband's industry, he works with his teams to design, build, and maintain outdoor landscapes.  We feel as though we have seen all the gizmos and gadgets, the tricks of the trade, the smart ideas, and the not-so-smart ideas.  For me, there is one that has always taken the cake.

Grass Paint.

Yes, it's a thing.  It's not that I can't see the use in it, we have even recommended it in the past where it was a worthwhile investment for our customers as they celebrated a special occasion at their place.

It is the metaphor I associate with it that intrigues me.  When I see grass paint, it represents the covering over of what something truly is to look more presentable.  To me, it symbolizes the cloak of the modern day pharisees within our churches. God knows our hearts, and He will not be mocked.  So when we put on a fake persona of holiness, speak Christianese to those around us, or live with hatred of others in our hearts; know that you may hide it well from those sitting next to you in church, but you have already been found out.

What grass paint is designed to do is literally paint your grass a rich, green color. Imagine taking off your shoes to step onto that beautiful patch of lawn to relax only to be stabbed repeatedly in the feet by the hardened blades beneath.  It adds a facade of beauty to what is ugly.  The blades have not changed at their root, they are still the same, but are masquerading now as healthy and beautiful.

So to it can be with our lives. It is a dangerous position to actively put yourself in and choose to live by the world and not truly for God.  Your heart can be ugly while your outward persona is beautiful and desirable.  Please check yourself and examine your own life against the Bible to ensure you are not merely living behind a cloak.

MIV - Most Influential Verse

Once the Holy Spirit began to reside in my heart, the cleansing began on an entirely new level. By cleansing, I don't mean a simple, "Oh, let me purell my hands because I just touched the garbage can", I'm talking "Let me scrub and scour myself clean inside and out as my entire core is corrupt."

There were specific areas in my life that all pointed back to specific sin issues of pride encompassing my heart where the Holy Spirit was to dwell. I thought I had my life altogether: our marriage, our family, our extended family, our business, our friends, etc.  After all, these were clearly a direct result of us working hard.  Except that they weren't. I didn't see it then. I chose not to see it.  I chose to live in sin.  I chose daily to uplift my pedestal so I couldn't even see God in my life.  This isn't to say I was living a non-"Christian" or immoral life; I went to church, I said the right things, I knew enough of the Bible to defend my stances.  To the world I was a Christian; to me, I was a Christian.  This life on earth was relatively easy and I intended to coast my way into eternity.  Until....

Do not be deceived: God cannot be mocked. A man reaps what he sows.
~ Galatians 6:7

I had stumbled upon this verse in context; I kid, clearly it was not stumbling but a very directly timed read for me.  It brought me down.  It shoved me off my self-concocted pedestal where I crashed hard.  You see, I had heard of God's sovereignty, I had read about it in the Bible, I had studied verses about it, I had claimed it as my own, I had stated I knew it--and while my head and mouth were hot with conviction, my heart was cold.

This verse represents a true acknowledgement as the life of a sinner in need of a Savior.  It represents just HOW SOVEREIGN our God truly is.  He will NOT be deceived.  You may live your life claiming His power over you, but you are mocking Him if you think you're good enough on your own merit.  God will see right through our pride, as much as we can veil it and hide it from prying earthly eyes; He will not be deceived.  He can see right through our half-truths, our underhanded comments, our jealous eyes. 

If your heart does not align fully with God and His sovereignty, I fear you are in danger of reaping what you are sowing.  The Bible makes it very clear that the way is narrow. I guarantee you, the Holy Spirit will cleanse His home, you will not be left in your sinful state but will be taught (HARD) to strive to live a ceaseless repentant life solely to glorify God through every circumstance.

Are you also claiming the world as your god?  Are you in love with your life and your material blessings?  Are you patting yourself on the back for doing good deeds in His name?  Are you singing loudly in church while silently critiquing the person standing in front of you?

I don't doubt that the Holy Spirit's timeline is different for all true believers in their sanctification process, but I also don't doubt that the pride that hinders a truly right relationship with God will be cleansed away bit by bit (not fully, as the Bible says none of us are perfect), but your life will be utterly transformed.

Again, please hear what the Word says, God cannot be mocked.  He knows everything.  He knows.

Blessings Indeed

"Blessed is the man whose quiver is full of them."  -Psalm 127:5a

Children, they are a blessing indeed.  Solomon's Psalm seems so well forgotten in this day and age where technology, media, and people constantly guilt us with messages that "YOU time" is most important, what matters to YOU is what should hold ultimate value in your life, YOUR feelings rule above morality and truth.  While some of those, within reason, are not in and of themselves bad (boundaries, knowing who we are and whose we are, etc.), we need to keep in mind that our standard isn't ourselves.  The Bible is the living, breathing Word of God that we are blessed enough to have available at our every whim.  So I encourage you to read the entire Psalm that this verse originates.

Unless the Lord builds the house, the builders labor in vain.  Unless the Lord watches over the city, the guards stand watch in vain.  In vain you rise early and stay up late, toiling for food to eat--for He grants sleep to those He loves.

Children are a heritage from the Lord, offspring a reward from Him.  Like arrows in the hands of a warrior are children born in one's youth.  Blessed is the man whose quiver is full of them.  They will not be put to shame when they contend with their opponents in court.

Psalm 127

When you think about a builder, you may think about the final stages of construction and them pounding in that final nail to exhibit their accomplishments.  We need to take the time to consider that a builder is not solely a finisher.  A builder literally builds the house.  He researches his plans, where to buy the right size of materials, he researches the price needed to come in at budget (or hopefully under!), he researches the wood, the strength needed for the beams, etc.  Then he purchases the materials and secures a work force. A builder has the ability to start with a concept and create a masterpiece; so, too, with us when we are building our families.

We can birth or adopt or foster many kids in our house and claim that our quiver is full. We can bide our time with them and then fling them off as arrows into the world wishing the best for them--all the while completely oblivious to what life should look like as a true Christian. We can claim that they are a blessing without counting the cost and providing a stable environment rooted in the teachings of His Word.  We can help them to knowledgeably learn without ever truly understanding in their hearts.

When I hear the word 'vain', my mind drifts to vanity, a useless series of thoughts that ultimately lead to nothing, I did not know that the root of the word stems from devastation. The Hebrew word for vain is shav'/shav and stems from the word show'/showah/shoah.  Strong's Concordance defines it, in part, as follows:

to rush over; a tempest; by implication, devastation:-- desolate, destroy, destruction, storm, wasteness.

Strong's Concordance defines vain as:

shav' (vain) stemming from show' meaning that the uselessness is to be seen "in the sense of desolating; evil (as destructive), literal (ruin) or moral (especially guile); figurative idolatry (as false, subjective, uselessness (as deceptive, objective), false, lie lying, vain, vanity.

With that meaning in mind, let's journey back to the first couple lines in Psalm 127.

Unless the Lord builds the house, the builders labor in vain. Unless the Lord watches over the city, the guards stand watch in vain.  In vain you rise early and stay up late, toiling for food to eat--for he grants sleep to those he loves.

It is no longer a passive setting in which we ought to read this.  It is very active with very real consequences to follow.  There is a personally invited destruction if we do not have the Lord as our builder; a secret acceptance, if you will, in the background of our homes encouraging a hidden life that does not silence evil, idolatry, destruction, or ruin.  If God is not our cornerstone, the house will crumble.  There has been an all too common thread among how my generation was raised to outwardly present a Christian life.  I cannot passively raise my children "in Christ" without expecting that I am inviting destruction and ruin upon my household.

Back to the builder, we remember that he starts with the small things. He starts with a piece of paper and slowly adds to his list things to do in order to build a house.  Like the man in Proverbs, it says:

"Dishonest money dwindles away, but whoever gathers money little by little makes it grow." (Proverbs 13:11 NIV, emphasis mine) 

So also is this true with us as Christians, so also is this true with us as parents. We have our cornerstone, we have the Word, now we need to be diligent in training them from birth to truly follow the Lord AND His commands, to seek out in all they do to honor HIM and bring HIM glory.  No other goal should come higher than this in raising our kids.  If our children can fully grasp this concept, then morality naturally follows.

Let's start with a plan as well, the Bible, and begin to teach our children the real Truth.

Dating Advice

Lately, I have come across many women who are in challenging marital stages in their lives. Oddly enough, they are usually relating to a relative (or spouse) with personality disorders.  But through that, I have come to analyze my station in life.  There was likely a .2 percent chance in my twenties that I would have the wherewithal to foresee all of what we have been through.

When my husband and I were dating, we spent nearly every second together.  We enjoyed each other immensely.  We were best friends.  He was a Christian, and I knew it by his actions, his heart, his words.  I loved that about him.  I was confident he would lead our marriage by Biblical standards if we got married.

And we did get married.  And he did lead us.  But I have sinned. He has sinned. Through it all, we seem to eventually conquer our issues though. Some issues are quickly resolved, while others are so deeply ingrained that it is taking years to heal.  But I rest assured that through it all, I see in him (and I pray he sees in me) that he learns from them, grows from them, acknowledges them, and effects appropriate change.

So whenever I am asked for advice or my thoughts on a dating relationship, I share what I know will be an indicator of the future stature of someone's marriage. A marker of a true Christian.

You need to live your life with a repentant heart.

You need to ensure your spouse-to-be lives with a repentant heart.

A proud heart can easily destroy a marriage.  I love what the Bible says about repentance.  It is the acknowledging of sin and the complete about-turn in your life to turn away from sin.  It is fleeing in the opposite direction of sin.

The majority of references of repent in the New Testament mean (according to Strong's Concordance):

To think differently; afterwards (reconsider); change the mind.

Implying pious sorrow for unbelief and sin and a turning from them unto God and the gospel of Christ.

And I can truly say my marriage will survive because I am married to a man with a repentant heart.  Again, I pray he sees the same in me.

I pray that dating couples be aware, truly aware, of what it takes to live a life of Biblical repentance and to flee from a potential mate who is not living in that accord.

YOLO - A twisted version

YOLO.  You Only Live Once.

Not even 10 years ago this acronym surfaced and took off with young people.  I knew it to be slang for excusing behavior you wanted to pretend you had no need or desire to take responsibility for.

The thing of it is, though, is that we do only live once. During our one chance to be on this earth, we are called to be salt and light in this world.

You are the salt of the earth.  But if the salt loses its saltiness, how can it be made salty again? It is no longer good for anything, except to be thrown out and trampled underfoot.

You are the light of the world. A town built on a hill cannot be hidden. Neither do people light a lamp and put it under a bowl. Instead they put it on its stand, and it gives light to everyone in the house. In the same way, let your light shine before others, that they may see your good deeds and glorify your Father in Heaven.

~ Matthew 5:13-16

 
This set of verses trails on the ever popular Beatitudes (Matthew 5:1:3-12).  The blessings that ensue are blessings you can see in those around you--when I consider who I know that portray those qualities, it is those who have suffered through trials and come away from their anguish on the other side, truly beholden to God and His sovereignty.  It is not limited to only those, and these verses should bolster in us encouragement toward being bold in our faith, we will be blessed--maybe not in this lifetime on earth, but our reward is in Heaven.  There is no greater blessing than that, Heaven will make any persecution or suffering worth it!

When we break it down to mere points, the conclusion becomes obvious.  We need to be living our Christian lives with a YOLO mindset.  We only have one life to affect those around us and point them to Christ.  We only have one life to proclaim His Name.  We only have one life to prepare our hearts for eternity.


In the same chapter, the two verses immediately preceding the salt of the earth set of verses, we read:

Blessed are you when people insult you, persecute you and falsely say all kinds of evil against you because of me.  Rejoice and be glad, because great is your reward in Heaven, for in the same way they persecuted the prophets who were before you.
~ Matthew 5:11-12

 I don't bring this up to give you a false sense of assurance that if you get verbally attacked for defending the Word that you have arrived: that you're in, that you're golden, that your reward is waiting. It is meant to give you a foundation for the truth you are upholding.  Our goal in this life is to give God glory in everything we do and say... can you say you are upholding this in your life?

I have failed many times to be bold in my life, but it helps to remind myself that I do have one life to live so why would I not be bold in my faith; if I claim it defines me and cleanses me from the inside out, if I claim that God is my Father and I seek to give Him glory, have I not, then failed as His herald if I shy away from speaking truth?  I have succumbed to fear too often and kept quiet, hiding away what God has done in and for me.  I have been through trials in the last couple years and God has guided me through them all.  Through those trials, I have found my worth in Christ and a lot of the fear that crippled me has been washed away with my newfound value as one of His.

But... know your worth. Know your disposition. Who you are matters as we seek to honor God with our lives.  If you are terrified of speaking in public, open air preaching is likely not the avenue you should lean toward.  It is important to understand we all have our roles, we are not all called to the same area in ministry but we are all called to it.

For just as each of us has one body with many members, and these members do not all have the same function, so in Christ we, though many, form one body, and each member belongs to all the others. We have different gifts, according to the grace given to each of us. If your gift is prophesying, then prophesy in accordance with your faith; if it is serving, then serve; if it is teaching, then teach; if it is to encourage, then give encouragement; if it is giving, then give generously; if it is to lead, do it diligently; if it is to show mercy, do it cheerfully.

~ Romans 12:4-8

So I will try to remember YOLO, and my role as a herald for Him is a necessity if I claim Him as my own, which I do.

My Vision has Improved

When I was in my twenties, I looked at life and the people around me with a very limited lens.  My lifeview had not been shaped with a lot of reality or life.

I never realized how little I knew about the people around me.  How their experiences had affected them.  What they were dealing with.  How their relationship with Christ had gotten to the point it had (for better or worse).

I liked my world.  My little bubble. I saw a filtered surface and never bothered to dig past that.

But then I started opening my eyes.  At times, my eyes were pried open and drained of all the tears blocking my vision so I could see the hurt in this world.

My Grandma was always a person I revered.  I still do.  But through the years, my rose-colored glasses fell off as I looked at her and realized: she is a woman; she is flawed; she sins. She also prays for every single one of her children, grandchildren, and great-grandchildren all the time.  She reads her Bible daily. She hosted and conducted Bible studies.  She is a woman pastors have gone to for advice.  She is a godly woman.  But she's also a woman.  A woman who has experienced life.  She knows the ups and downs of this life and come out with God as foremost. But it was a strange reality when "Grandma" was more than just Grandma.  She was her own person and I finally saw her as just that.

Another relative became a person to me when I found out he emotionally abused his wife for years.  I never knew his wife had put up with life as an abused spouse.  I never understood the extent of the damage done to her.

All of my life before my thirties, I looked at life and the people around me with a very limited lens. I never realized how little I knew about the people around me. How their experiences had changed them.  What they were dealing with.  How their relationship with Christ had gotten to the point it had (for better or worse).


I saw friends go through divorce.  I saw marriages endure and push past affairs.  I saw single friends struggle with being single.  I saw that every marriage has its challenges and that you really never know what happens (or doesn't) behind closed doors.  I saw the importance in finding a church to call home and really immerse yourself in it.  I saw my husband in a different light.  He was a human, he was flawed just like me.   I saw the plight of pastor's wives everywhere to deal with a husband who is emotionally, spiritually, and physically on call at all times. I saw women in a different light.  I saw the hurt behind so many eyes, the struggle of living imperfectly in our "perfect" society, the anger at how women are portrayed, the insecurity behind scantily clad women. I saw it.

I saw.  I saw life. I realized it's not cut and dry. We are evolving and our thoughts and vision change as we experience life. I also saw my own life radically change.  I never knew my world as I knew it could be so shaken.

I also saw Jesus in a completely different light.  At one time, I sought out the advice of a trusted friend who ended up counseling and guiding me through my thoughts and feelings on my new journey.  She spoke truth, we prayed... we have remained open and honest in our friendship about our struggles.  I began to often go to my secret alone spot and sit there praying and reading the Bible.
I had dealt with my first real tragedy. I was so hurt and confused, but I was at peace.  I turned to comfort through Jesus (and chocolate to be honest).  I'm not sure you ever really know how you will react to hardships, and I am sure I have more coming.  It was my first victory in my real fight against the world though and I was relieved looking back what occurred, for little did I know I was establishing a pattern in my life of Who to turn to when tragedies strike.

But those tragedies would not be my last....

Does the Bible say you MUST Reconcile with Everyone?

I sat idle for about 5 minutes comprehending what I had read, and then felt compelled to comment.  The article was about forgiveness when there are divisions within a family.

It was well worded and would bring many to move toward forgiveness and reconciliation with those they disagreed with and rightly so... where pride had taken over and hardened hearts on both sides of a disagreement.  And I applaud the author for encouraging and urging us to see the big picture; God intended families to be unified and grow together in love.

But there is another end of the spectrum in which reconciliation is not encouraged biblically.  I felt I needed to stand up for those who are not under the typical family disagreement structure. Those who deal with toxic people within their extended families.  And I felt it right to give a voice to those who have been guilted into a false reconciliation meant only to appease another's wants instead of adhering to the Bible.

The sad truth of the matter is that abusive and toxic people are out there, and they belong to someone's family and they may be sitting in the pew next to you at church. There are family members reeling with the after effects of behavior. Being a Christian DOES NOT require you to be in a relationship with these types of people.

 It is not warranted to reconcile in the name of family.  Sweeping issues under the rug, not enforcing consequences, not calling out behaviors as a Christian is detrimental both to yourself and to them. Enabling another's sin justifies it to them and makes it easier for you to justify your own sin.  Projection of issues is common with toxic individuals, but it can be just as common and sometimes worse with enablers.

However, the Bible DOES call us to forgive.  Not necessarily directly to that person; sometimes it is most advisable and advantageous to enforce (at least for a time) a full cut off of that individual.  It calls us to release them of what we have considered a wrong done against us.  It lets go of the hold and control we are trying to assert over their life for something that they may never seek to truly make amends for.  God has called us to repent that hold and to fully forgive them in our hearts SO THAT we may pray for them with properly aligned motives, have compassion on them, love them--even if loving from afar is the closest we will ever be to their presence again.

I urge you, just as the author of the article did, to take time to think through what the Bible has to say.  She references a couple verses with anger as the common denominator; as a call to look inward first and check yourself.  Here, I'll point you to this verse:

If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone.

~Romans 12:18

And as Martin Luther once said:

“Peace if possible. Truth at all costs.”

~Martin Luther

That is an incredibly powerful statement in light of what we are talking about.  Sometimes peace is not possible. It is a basic reality of life on this earth.  The truth ought to always be heralded... even though the truth will cause division and strife by nature. Those who want an exemption from being held accountable for their own sin will buck and claw at the truth (or the upholders of truth) when brought to light and the sin will be held in a place of honor above God's word, people, and (what then become) empty words.

Go ahead and read the entire chapter of Romans 12.  Look at this verse in context.  See and examine your life and the relationships you have with others to challenge yourself and your walk with God.

Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is—his good, pleasing and perfect will.

~Romans 12:2

Are you conforming to the world or those who are living in it?  If you do not stand up for Christ, your mind cannot be thoroughly renewed.  We all need to pray for courage to stand up for what the Word of God says.  Seeking the truths of God and the Bible in our lives will freefall our nature into a gift of discernment, of knowing what is pleasing to Him. What is not, is worldly; you need to decide today where you stand.  Which side of the line do you tread?

For by the grace given me I say to every one of you: Do not think of yourself more highly than you ought, but rather think of yourself with sober judgment, in accordance with the faith God has distributed to each of you.

~Romans 12:3

Do you take pride in the hard stances you have made for Him?  You depraved human, step back and see the holiness of our God, to make a stand for Him is but nothing short of obedience, it ought not to be praised. You are just as depraved as the sinners you have stood up against, but you have been redeemed; remember that grace and mercy have been extended to you to cover over your sins.

Love must be sincere. Hate what is evil; cling to what is good. Be devoted to one another in love. Honor one another above yourselves.

~Romans 12:9-10

Are you sincere and compassionate?  Do you have a heart for the lost souls?  Do you see the depth of what their sin stands for and where they are headed?  Hate the sin.  Know where it is leading the sinner if they are unrepentant. Then pray for the sinner.  Pray for their lost souls.  Pray for your own depravity, you were once on the very same path to Hell.  But cling voraciously to Him.  See Him as your only true Savior.

Never be lacking in zeal, but keep your spiritual fervor, serving the Lord. Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer. Share with the Lord’s people who are in need. Practice hospitality.

~Romans 12:11-13

Are you joyful? Are you so downtrodden in failed relationships that you have lost your joy? Remind yourself to whom you are running this race for, His glory alone, the reward of eternity with Him. (This is not meant to discourage those who are in the trenches with a toxic individual but meant to encourage--look Heavenward while you are in battle on this earth.)  Have patience in trials, this will not be the last of them; when dealing with relationships there typically are scores of people that will now be affected. Keep your focus on Him, the line you are enforcing is ultimately for His glory, for their hearts, and for the protection of yours.

Bless those who persecute you; bless and do not curse. Rejoice with those who rejoice; mourn with those who mourn. Live in harmony with one another. Do not be proud, but be willing to associate with people of low position. Do not be conceited.

Do not repay anyone evil for evil. Be careful to do what is right in the eyes of everyone.

Do not take revenge, my dear friends, but leave room for God’s wrath, for it is written: “It is mine to avenge; I will repay,” says the Lord.

~Romans 12:14-17, 19

Are you bitter? Are you wishing and hoping for earthly vengeance?  You are still called to be holy, even when you are tempted to retaliate.  Two wrongs do not make a right. Remain an appropriate witness for the precious name you represent: Christ.

If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone.

~Romans 12:18

Is it possible to live at peace with all people?  No, it is not.  So rest assured, Jesus did not intend to force us into relationships with toxic people. We will be challenged by them though, our name may be slung through the mud, others may take sides, but stand firm in your faith and your calling.  You are His and no one can take that away or mar your relationship with Christ.  Let it ever embolden you to strengthen and rely on Him.

I challenge you to reacquaint yourself with David.  Starting in 1 Samuel 27, we read the account of David fleeing from King Saul with a small army of 600 men. They (the men, their wives, and children) were granted permission to take refuge and live in Ziklag but found upon returning from battle that their town had been destroyed and their women and children taken captive. Then we read as follows:

So David and his men wept aloud until they had no strength left to weep. David’s two wives had been captured—Ahinoam of Jezreel and Abigail, the widow of Nabal of Carmel. David was greatly distressed because the men were talking of stoning him; each one was bitter in spirit because of his sons and daughters. But David found strength in the Lord his God.

~I Samuel 30:4-6

His army wanted to kill him. Saul and his followers wanted to kill him.  Two of his wives (and possibly children) were taken from him.  He was very alone. "But [he] found strength in the Lord his God." Amen. And Amen again. Carrying along with lessons we can learn from David, go ahead and read 2 Samuel 16.  After King David's son Absolom overthrows him, David escapes and a man from King Saul's family comes out cursing him while literally throwing stones at him and his men.  David does not sin in his response, instead he grants authority of the situation to God, "If he is cursing because the Lord said to him, ‘Curse David,’ who can ask, ‘Why do you do this?’" and then David also says, "Leave him alone; let him curse, for the Lord has told him to."

Live your life looking Heavenward.  Live it knowing you are in full and plain view of our holy Creator God Almighty. You cannot hide your actions from Him.  He cannot be mocked.  Always strive to glorify Him in every situation, and relinquish authority that is His alone when dealing with others.



[The article I referenced above can be read by clicking here.]

Marital Advice

We have attended a couple weddings in the last couple of months which has brought about reflections on our own marriage.  What would I have liked to know before I spoke my contractual 'I do' to intertwine my God with my husband until death do us part.


Would I have gotten married had I known the depths to which we would struggle?  If I had known that my husband would have baggage brought into our marriage that would affect us years down the road? If I had known that my baggage would be brought in and uncovered for the ugliness it was?

Probably not.

Before and for most of our now 12 years of marriage, I had never known the depths of depravity in my own life, the life of my husband, the realization that my own kids are just as depraved, that my marriage had been wrought with sin, and I was in a marriage where we had professed love not realizing it was entirely conditional.

But had I known the other side of the darkness, what comes forth into light after the darkness, I would choose marriage and I would willingly go through it all again to know what's on the other side.

To know that I can be real with my spouse and he will still love me.  To know that I have learned what God desires when He asks us to live a repentant life.  To willingly apologize to my husband and he to me when needed.  To set boundaries with my spouse, toward him and toward others, and know that they will be respected. To have a real true love blossom out of the darkness that our past holds.

To know my life is first and foremost in God's hands, that I am His, and I seek to give Him all glory in my life now.  To know my identity of worth is safely within my personal relationship with Jesus Christ; it is not based on my husbands' relationship with Him, nor am I responsible for his.
That is intimacy.  That is the glue that will hold us together for the next battles we may face.  But they will be battles we face together.

We now have a unity in spirit and truth that we were lacking.  Our marriage now has the foundational truths it was lacking. Our separate relationships with God are rooted in Him as our true foundation.
So what would I say to someone getting married; what would be my advice to them?

I would encourage them both to truly seek to live repentant lives, both as individuals in their separate relationship to Christ but also together in marriage toward each other.  Truly.  Repentance involving not just an apology but a TRUE turning from sin.  When sin from your past is brought into a marriage, it needs to be dealt with, worked through, and repented of.  This includes a hatred, absolute hatred of all sin.  We need to view our sin as our holy and perfect God sees sin.  It is ugly, vile, disgusting.  We must turn away from it if we are calling ourselves Christians.  God gives us the ability of self-discipline.  It is ours to choose whether or not we enact and strengthen our power over sin or give in to worldly pleasures.

For the Spirit God gave us does not make us timid, but gives us power, love and self-discipline.
~2 Timothy 1:7

He brings about healing.  He brings about unity in marriage.  He makes all things possible.  He will be the sustainer of you should you choose to live a repentant life.

So I ask you to pray over your marriage.  Yourself. And your spouse.

Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us, to him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, for ever and ever! Amen.
~Ephesians 3:20-21

Walk with the Lord by leading a life filled with repentance.  In doing so, you will bring glory to His name.  And that is the best advice I can give to newlyweds.

The Word we Banned from our House

  We had struggled with the idol of perfection since we were dating.  My marriage has been flaunted on the altar of perfection perception.  By me.  By my husband. By extended family.

It was unclear to me the depths of my idolatry until our marriage was attacked.  But even after that, I still white-knuckled my outward persona to match what I had hoped to convey to the world: we were still perfect.  We were still the perfect couple.  So then God threw a couple more blows my way to completely humble me where I finally saw it.  I finally saw Him in His splendor, and me on my knees begging for forgiveness.

I saw some of the deep-rooted sins in my life; one of them being my view of marriage.  I didn't know how to view it but I kept hearing the word 'perfect' all around me and it kept bringing me back to inadequacy.  Then I noticed how often I said it and wrote it. My husband was saying it, and so were my kids...  and pretty much everyone around us.  I realized our culture is driven to perfection in so many areas.  Not many of them are Godly or Biblical, and yet we strive so hard to meet an unattainable standard.  And if we can't, we show off the illusion that we have concocted.  We fight so hard to show off.

I lasted about a week listening to the all-too-common use of the word 'perfect' and then I was done.  I had had enough.  I threw my hands on the table, stood up out of my chair, and told the kids my new rule.  We would not be saying the word 'perfect' in this house.  Let me show you some of the definitions of 'perfect' from dictionary.com:

perfect

[adjective, noun pur-fikt; verb per-fekt]

adjective

-conforming absolutely to the description or definition of an ideal type

-excellent or complete beyond practical or theoretical improvement

-exactly fitting the need in a certain situation or for a certain purpose

-entirely without any flaws, defects, or shortcomings

-accurate, exact, or correct in every detail

-thorough; complete; utter

-pure or unmixed

-unqualified; absolute

-expert; accomplished; proficient

-unmitigated; out-and-out; of an extreme degree

verb (used with object)

-to bring to completion; finish

-to bring to perfection; make flawless or faultless

-to bring nearer to perfection; improve; make better

-to make fully skilled

 

Look at some of those descriptive words: conforming absolutely, ideal, excellent, complete, improvement, exactly, without flaws/defects/shortcomings, accurate, exact, correct, pure, absolute, expert, accomplished, proficient, extreme degree, flawless, faultless, improve, make better.

This was the message I sent my kids. Daily.

I was prodding my kids to display perfection in every area.  I was the one driving stress and anxiety right into their developing minds and hearts.  Just as I had done with myself and my marriage, I was beholden to this god of perfection.  And I was cramming it down the throats of my little ones.  My eldest son hates (HATES!) to lose.  Second place holds little value for him.  Learning from mistakes is a foreign concept to him. Reading slower than his sister is like a slap in the face to him and he shrinks into himself and retreats from the world.  Guess where he learned that from?!  Ugh. Me.

We talked with the kids about what that word means and what it represents. We made it clear we do not ever expect perfection.  We expect obedience and respect.  We expect them to try their best and give things their all.  We expect them to learn from mistakes; to let the mistakes fuel their progress in trying again.  Of course we tied that into the Bible since that was where we gained our knowledge of this concept and shared how God doesn't expect perfection but our obedience and respect.

It turned into a game to recognize someone saying the word 'perfect' and call someone out for saying it.  And I was the worst at it.  I failed time and time again.  My daughter called me out even in the first hour after implementation.  It made me realize how much a subtle influence one word actually has on people.  I subconsciously was demanding perfection from my kids without outright saying it. Looking back, it felt like it was almost the appropriate "Christianeze phrasing" for shaming my kids to align with my screwed up values.

I do apologize when she catches me saying it, but just as sanctification cleanses you, so to have I noticed it with how little the word comes to mind now.  But I have lifted at least one heavy burden off their shoulders... and mine.  It has lightened the air and I have already noticed a difference with our eldest son.  I think it has made for a safer emotional environment where we are free to be ourselves and express our individuality without fear of retribution.

I challenge you to listen to the words your family says, the people around you, and how often tv shows will use the word perfect.

It is the one word I have banned from our house.

A Mom's Struggle with Gravity

As a Mom, we are given one of the highest callings.  I feel as though I have heard it all before, "You are their theologian", "You are their most important teacher", "You have the ability to lead them."  I agree with all of those.  But I never understood the true gravity, the depth, the gumption, the weight behind it all until I was forced to put it into practice.

Two years ago, I took a parenting class; I had two options at Church for the women's Bible Study--one was the parenting class and the other was to study a book of the Bible in detail.  I was torn because I really enjoy studying word for word through a book to understand the context; besides, I told myself, my kids are great, well-behaved, good enough children.  I was proud of who they were, that they were generally very respectful, all the hours and consistent training I had endured, what I had accomplished with them, how they presented themselves in public, and how they acted. But I decided to take the parenting class in hopes of getting to know more Moms as I had not totally reached out to anyone.

The first week, I was brought to weeping tears when I discovered just how crucial my role was--my pride was swept up in my kids' outward appearances, my heart was full of ugliness because my kids obeyed and theirs didn't, my kids knew who was boss and that they knew they needed to listen to me and their Dad.  But wow, I have been broken many times in the last three years, and you would think I would be used to it as my pride continually has been shattered over and over, but I did not expect the weight of what was missing to hit me so hard.

My heart.  Their hearts.  I had missed it.  I had not only passively missed it, I bypassed it completely to focus on external things.  I had set up my children to be obedient idols to hopefully incite jealousy all to boost my own pride.  I had been humbled yet again, with good reason.
In my few years of parenting, I trained them to obey and had pretty well succeeded.  But what occurred to me when studying this book was that their roots were lacking.  I had not watered them properly to encourage their hearts and their consciences to think for themselves.  What an empty wasteland I had encouraged.  And my heart was no different.

I repented a lot while studying that book, cried through almost every chapter as the Lord worked more on my heart and understanding to really get it through how I ought to be living needed to first be changed, then I could pass that along to my children.  I couldn't very well teach them heart and knowledge issues if my heart was hard and my eyes blind.

Then my husband and I attended a Sunday School class about parenting, that is enforcing the ideas behind the first book.  The first class we sat in the back, thank goodness, because I started weeping uncontrollably.  Seriously.  I could not stop.  And it was ugly crying. The weight of my responsibility as a Mother had hit again.

It reinforced to me the gravity of what God had called us to as parents.  It is the hard things in life that this really comes into play that I have been made more aware of.  It means protecting your kids when God calls you to; even if that means you need to fully cut off family members. It means living out that God is number one; even if that means you need to confront those around you who have evil patterns of sin and destruction.  It means living out your life in accordance to His Word; especially so your children can see you strive to honor God.  It means choosing His path; especially so your children can witness you doing hard things to keep His commands.  It mean confessing your sinfulness in front of your kids; especially so your children can know that you are not perfect. It means apologizing to your kids when you have wronged them or acted out of anger; especially so that your children can know that you do not expect perfection from them, but that their hearts are in the right place.  It means living transparently and being open and honest to invite them to also live that way.  It means encouraging them to not keep secrets as that may lead to a secret life one day.  It means so much.  It really means so much and when you stop to think about the gravity of it all, and how that has played out in your life, with the steps you have been called to take to raise your kids, it can feel overwhelming.

Not overwhelming in a sense of despair, but in how much God has brought us through and led us to this point.  We have had to endure a lot to raise our kids in a way that we feel God desires us to, and it is SO worth it.  I know I would give up the world and all it's riches, and glory, and people, if God will be their God in the end.  I would do it all over again.

"Then Jesus said to his disciples, 'Whoever wants to be my disciple must deny themselves and take up their cross and follow me.'" Matthew 16:24

I am slowly understanding now the gravity of this statement and what it means in this life to live this out.  We have a cross to bear as Christians and I pray that God may continue to peel back the layers over my eyes to see His truth accomplished in my life and through my life.